Moo! -- Jay

Stuck at home, recuperating after last week’s surgery, I decided to go through my desk and throw away things I’d been saving for way too long. But in the end, nothing got thrown away. Why? Cuz it’s all too valuable!

For example, look at this:


This is a laminated bookmark for a humorous middle grade novel I wrote about eight years ago. I made dozens of these for my trip to the first annual Society of Children's Book Writers & Illustrators conference in NYC. I hadn’t even finished writing the book, but I was passing these out like candy. Now, why would I do that if the book wasn’t finished yet?

I have no idea. So let’s move on...

Later that year, when I did finish the book, it won SCBWI’s Sue Alexander Most Promising New Work Award, which got me a free flight back to New York to meet with a bunch of cool editors. One of those editors even wanted to buy the manuscript, but his bosses at Simon & Schuster didn’t share in his excitement. I revised The ChocoBarn Cow for a year or so, changed the title to My Udder Life, but it still never sold…even though it’s really funny!

Here’s the deal. I only have two of these bookmarks left, but I’m willing to give one to you. Whatcha gotta do to get it? Just leave a comment on this post by midnight on Tuesday, telling me what you think the story’s about. If you’re the first person to guess correctly, it’s yours! If no one guesses correctly, the most creative answer wins.

Oh, and thanks for helping me clean out my desk.

- Jay


P.S. I'll even autograph it if you want me to!

The Random Post -- Jay

The lucky winners of our Two-Day Q&A contest are:

Laura
at
Creative Dreams

&

Linda D. (sbk)
at
Jumbled Ramblings

My intent was to have my wife randomly choose numbers to decide the winners, but I got home too late and she was asleep. So I found this handy-dandy site, which allowed me to still select the winners with complete randomness.

Why did I get home so late? Because I was 3-hours north doing school visits (courtesy of Kepler's Books) at Woodside High School, Gunn High School, and Palo Alto High School. And to end this post on a completely random note, here's a photo taken at the end of my last school visit:

Why yes, that is James Franco from all three Spider-Man movies! And yes, I did give him a signed copy of Thirteen Reasons Why! (And yes, he is so much cooler than me...)

- Jay

Snappy Winners

Here are the winning entries to our Snappy Answers to Frequently Frustrating Questions contest. Of course, we wish we could give prizes to each and every yadda-yadda-yadda because they all yadda-yadda-yadda in their own way. But, of course, it came down to which entries we felt yadda-yadda-yadda.

If the winners would please e-mail RobinJayEve[at]aol.com, we'll get your t-shirts and bookmarks in the mail at our earliest yadda-yadda-yadda.

Q&A #1 - Brooke Taylor
Q: You wrote a book? Oh, what’s it about?
A: It’s a novel for teens that deals with suicide.
Q: For teens? Oh, teens are very visual. Did you do your own illustrations?
A: No. I'm not allowed to use sharp objects like paintbrushes. Not since the (makes finger quotes) incident with the reporter...hey is that a pen you have there?

Q&A #2 - Lindabudz
Q: You’re an author? You must like the Harry Potter books, huh?
A: I do. They’re great.
Q: So then you’re going to make a ton of money, too, huh?
A: Well, you know, almost as much as J.K., but with the dollar getting weaker and weaker against the pound, it's really apples to oranges. [... proceed to ramble on about the economy until the querier's eyes completely glaze over.]

Q&A #3 - Hélène B
Q: You signed a two-book contract?
A: Yes. Yes, I did.
Q: So Thirteen Reasons Why is going to be a series…like Nancy Drew?
A: Kind of. Actually, I have Nancy Drew come in on the second book to discover it wasn’t a suicide after all. It’s called Thirteen Suspects.

Honestly, Jay is very excited to start using these on a day-to-day basis. So thank you!

Snappy Answers: A Contest

In case you haven’t been paying attention, Jay’s debut novel, Thirteen Reasons Why, comes out in less than a month. Like most authors for children and teens, there are a few frustrating questions he gets asked repeatedly. Usually, when confronted with such questions, his right eye begins to twitch and the questioner slowly backs away. But now he needs to start acting professionally and offer some well-thought-out answers.

In exchange for your help, we’re giving away three t-shirts produced by Penguin in honor of Thirteen Reasons Why’s starred-review in Kirkus. The back of the shirt includes the last line in that review, and Jay will now model the front of the shirt for you. (Jay, say, "I love onions!")

photo courtesy of CynJay (no relation)

Simply leave an answer to one of the following questions in the comment section of this post, and be sure to mention which question you’re answering. All answers must be submitted before Saturday. Early next week, we’ll announce the winners (we hope to choose one answer from each question...but, depending on hilarity, we reserve the right to award multiple shirts to the same question). All winners will also receive some spiffy Thirteen Reasons Why bookmarks!

Enter as often as you'd like. But please, absolutely no more than that.

And now...get snapping!

Snappy Answers to Frequently Frustrating Questions

Q&A #1
Q: You wrote a book? Oh, what’s it about?
A: It’s a novel for teens that deals with suicide.
Q: For teens? Oh, teens are very visual. Did you do your own illustrations?
A: ???

Q&A #2
Q: You’re an author? You must like the Harry Potter books, huh?
A: I do. They’re great.
Q: So then you’re going to make a ton of money, too, huh?
A: ???

Q&A #3
Q: You signed a two-book contract?
A: Yes. Yes, I did.
Q: So Thirteen Reasons Why is going to be a series…like Nancy Drew?
A: ???

When You Win...We Win!

By way of e-mail
Natalie, winner of our Thirteen Reasons Why ARC contest, sent us several cool photos of her cool prizes living it up in Italy. There was one of Eve’s painting being admired by a classroom full of children, a couple shots of Natalie’s own children enjoying good ol’ American peanut butter candy, a photo of her daughters carefully holding a drawing by Robin’s son, and several of Jay’s book enjoying the Italian experience. His book visited a beautiful stone fountain, rode a motor scooter, sampled gelato, and sipped cappuccino…


By way of mail mail (Jay’s dad works at the post office, so sn@!l mail is not a part of our vocabulary)
Stephanie, winner of our SCBWI summer conference scholarship, sent us a care package full of Mermaid-appropriate gifts (which will only seem appropriate to you if you’ve read an insane amount of our posts). Robin is thrilled to now own a Microfiber Super Duster, a bunch of plastic dinosaurs, and some Ghirardelli chocolate. It’s hard for Jay to believe he now owns a Not Now I'm Busy t-shirt, a Butterfinger bar, and a happy-face stressball. And Eve did the happy dance after receiving some new pink flip-flops, Little Debby Fancy Cakes, Gummi Bears, and a tube of bonbon flavored lip gloss.


By way of The Horn Book
Susan Patron has yet to win a Disco Mermaid contest. But she did win this year’s Newbery Award (which, we admit, is a very close second). The Higher Power of Lucky scrotum controversy inspired us to create The Newbery Jewels. The Horn Book then contacted us about including that design in their forthcoming issue dedicated to the ALA awards. We said, "Sure!" Then we began selling our design on T-shirts, mouse pads, coffee cups, tote bags, and thongs. But The Horn Book decided not to use our Jewels due to copyright concerns. We stopped selling that merchandise soon after, due to those very same concerns…and some e-mail exchanges with ALA lawyers (who, by the way, were extremely friendly and had brilliant senses of humor!). So what did we win when Ms. Patron won the Newbery? Inclusion! Here’s an excerpt from her Newbery acceptance speech, as printed in The Horn Book’s latest issue, which is dedicated to the ALA awards…

I was trying to keep a copy of everything being said, published, blogged, and podcast about the controversy. In a librarianesque way, I set up a folder: SCROTUM. Soon that folder was inadequate. I needed subheadings such as POPULAR CULTURE for online scrotum-inspired products: T-shirts, mouse pads, coffee cups, tote bags, and thongs.*

*Ms. Patron herself bought several items from us

...though she did not purchase any thongs.

We're Partying With...

May we have the envelope, please?

The winner of the First Annual (maybe) Disco Mermaid SCBWI Summer Conference Scholarship is…

Wait.

First, we wanna give you a little taste of the judging process…cuz it was insanely difficult and y'all deserve to suffer along with us. Some entries literally brought tears to our eyes. Most made us burst into laughter. A few were formatted creatively (how come we never realized there were thirteen letters in Disco Mermaids?). All were worthy of the Mermaid money…and that’s not an overstatement at all.

Chipping away at the top seven began to appear impossible. It came down to tearing apart each entry, reason by reason. In the end, all three Disco Mermaids agreed that one entry stood out through the entire process. We can’t wait to meet, we can’t wait to hang out with, and we can’t wait to party with…

STEPHANIE BLAKE
a.k.a. Colorado Writer

Of course, we want to meet all of you. So, whether you’ve already signed up for the conference, or if you decide to splurge at the last minute, we’re gonna figure out a time to meet up in the hotel lobby (you know, near the bar). And if you entered this contest…the first drinks are on us!

And now, a collection of our top Thirteen (Funny) Reasons Why people wanted to win:

1. “When I sell my book” has become our retirement plan.
2. I need some better L.A. stories to tell at my 10-year high school reunion next year. “I ran into Pauly Shore at Trader Joe’s once” just isn’t all that impressive.
3. I want to meet my LJ and blogspot writing friends, and see whose pictures are more than ten years old.
4. I lost my virginity in the very hotel of the Los Angeles SCBWI conference--Room 1212 to be exact, and hope to relive the experience.
5. [What if another winner] pocketed your money and spent it on horrible things, like drugs? Then you’d be on the hook for being an accomplice in their drug addiction, leaving you wide open for legal problems, even jail, and I can tell you one thing for certain. If that happened, your first novel would go out-of-print even before its release. You don’t want that to happen, do you, Jay? Well, do you?
6. Surround me with people who don’t think I’m strange when I frantically grab a napkin and write down an idea before it is lost.
7. I want to see if Lisa Yee really brings those Peeps EVERYWHERE.
8. (each reason in this entry was given a different genre) Horror: I woke up to find the words, “Win or die!” written in blood on my bathroom mirror. I’m not ready to die. You hold my still-beating, crimson, dripping heart in your hands.
9. I confess. I need to learn how to write shorter, clearer sentences and do you think if I won your award that the conference would help me understand how to do that?
10. I need the money because I’m as broke as a joke. I used Best Buy computers to type this up but I think the Geek Squad has caught on to me and this may be my last communication unless they’ve taken my picture down at CompUSA.
11. I haven’t been to L.A. in almost five years. -- I’m definitely out of the L.A. loop. My body has gone to hell and my face looks like sh*t. Give me the incentive to lose weight, get a face lift and a fanny tuck. You can do it, you know you can!
12. I can stay at my Grandma’s house. My Great-Grandma lives there, too. And who knows how much longer they will live, you know.
13. Thirteen is my lucky number, so I thought I had a chance in hell.

STOP!

It's now past five o'clock, which means our contest is now closed to new entries. The judging process will begin tonight and we will announce the winner early next week.

Oh, and thanks a lot! We thought this was going to be a fun contest to judge, but it's going to absolutely suck (sorry, but that's the only word that works). Your entries tickled our funny bones, tugged at our hearts, and...well...thanks for the pictures.

Some entries were in rhyme, some told us a story, and some came filled with links. Some used the strategy of reverse psychology (why they don't deserve the money), some guessed at what other entries said, then told us why those people didn't deserve to win, and some perfected the fine art of butt-kissing.

Our only regret is that we have just one scholarship to give. Because we wanna meet you all. We wanna hang out with you all. And we wanna party with every single one of you!

$$$ Our Most Expensive Post Ever $$$

The SCBWI Summer Conference is only two months away (August 3-6), and we want you to go. Why? Because we wanna meet you. We wanna hang out with you. We wanna party with you!

So? Do ya wanna go? Huh? Do ya?

Okay, here’s the deal, we also wanna pay for you.

Screeeeeech! Say what!?!?

Not your airfare, not your hotel stay, and definitely not your bar tab, but we will pay for your tuition. Sound good? Good!

In honor of the sale of Jay’s first book, Thirteen Reasons Why (available this October, but you can pre-order it now!), we're asking for you to give us thirteen reasons why you deserve/want/need to have the Disco Mermaids pay for your tuition. Think about it this way: If you don’t enter, someone else will win the money…and you don’t want someone else winning it, do you? Neither do we.

Why are we doing this? It’s a little thing called paying it forward. Over the years, SCBWI has been very good to us (particularly to Jay). In 2000, Jay won the Sue Alexander Most Promising New Work Award, which earned him a free trip to New York City. In 2003, Thirteen Reasons Why won the Work-In-Progress Grant for an Unpublished Writer. Jay met Chris Crutcher and Gordon Korman at SCBWI summer conferences, and they later wrote wonderful blurbs for his book. It’s because of those summer conferences that the three of us joined forces and won three costume contests in a row. And it is because of those contests that we formed this blog. All of that momentum led to a better-than-expected offer on Jay’s debut novel. So this year, Jay’s footing the bill for the first Disco Mermaid Scholarship. Next year…well, that depends on how hard Robin & Eve’s agents work.

Send an e-mail to RobinJayEve[AT]aol.com to enter. Put Thirteen Reasons Why I Want that Mermaid Money! in the subject line. In the body of the text, simply list your 13 reasons. Entries must be received by 5pm PST, Friday, June 8th. Oh, and only one entry per person (you’re not allowed 26 reasons why, or 39 reasons why…just put the brakes on at 13!).

And what if you’ve already paid your tuition? Tough!

No, just kidding. We’ll repay you…it really is that simple.

How are we gonna judge this thing? First, Jay is going to choose his top five. Then, Eve and Robin will pick the winner. You must send your name along with your entry, but names will be removed before judging because we are fair and impartial Mermaids.

What are we looking for? Well, it’s kind of like art…we won’t know it till we see it. Do we want humor? Sure. Heartwarming? Okay. A nice mix of both? Sure…whatever. You decide. Feel free to be honest, silly, mushy, or self-disclosing because the winning entry will not be posted…only the winner’s name.

Ready! Set! Let’s party!!!

3-2-1 Contest!: And the Winner is...

Congratulations, Natalie! Your celebrity children's book title just won you a bunch of stuff! You’ll be receiving a book, a painting, a drawing, a candy bar, a button, and probably some bubble wrap, too.

Natalie is the blogger behind Italian Moments: A blog in which an American expatriate rants and raves about life in Italy. And since she lives on an entirely different continent, the U.S. postal service would like to extend its congratulations, as well.

Either it's a coincidence or a sign of things to come for Jay's novel that this very week, the Bologna Children’s Book Fair is taking place not too far from our winner’s home. If Natalie attends, we hope she gets offered an Advance Reading Copy of Thirteen Reasons Why. “No thanks,” she could say. “I already own the very first signed copy.”

That’s right…the very first!

Thank you to everyone who submitted a celebrity book title. You had us rolling on the floor and reaching for our inhalers too many times to count. In our minds, you're all celebrities (though you obviously need no help coming up with titles)!

And please...stick around. This won't be the last Disco Mermaid contest. In fact, we’ll be announcing a new contest in the near future with an even bigger prize!

3-2-1 Contest!

You won’t find any French hens, turtledoves, or partridges in pear trees here. But you will find 3 Disco Mermaids, 2 literary agents, and 1 fantabulous editor.

We’re giving away an Advance Reading Copy of Jay’s debut novel, Thirteen Reasons Why. And all you’ve gotta do is make us laugh! Actually, you’ve gotta make us laugh harder than anyone else.

Your entries will be judged by all three Disco Mermaids on a funny-scale of 1 to 10 (10 being frickin’ hilarious). The ten highest-scorers will move on to Round Two. Or maybe we’ll use a 1 to 10 scale with 10 being the least funniest, in which case the lowest-scorers will move on.

The top ten entries will then be judged by Jay and Eve’s shared agent and Robin’s agent (which she refuses to share) using a 1 to 10 scale. The top five highest-scorers (or lowest-scorers…we’ll figure it out by then) will move on to the final judge, Jay’s editor. And while his editor definitely knows how to pick a winner, she absolutely refuses to pick the winner’s nose!

And because there are three Disco Mermaids, the winner will not only receive a gift from Jay, but will receive a gift from Eve and Robin, as well. Eve signed a 20 x 16 print of her acrylic painting, Sunset Vineyard (which does indeed include a touch of pink, as all of her paintings must). Robin’s four-year-old son drew a 12.5 x 30.5 panoramic profile of the Disco Mermaidmobile on taupe butcher paper, which he christened the Really Big Ship! You will also receive an official Disco Mermaid button, featuring the logo designed by Don Tate. Plus, a Butterfinger bar similar to the one mentioned in the book. But unlike the literary candy bar, this one is a 'New 2 Piece King Size' Butterfinger. Not only does it come with the familiar tagline crispety, crunchety, peanut-buttery, but since it was purchased in Nipomo, it also claims to be crocante, prurient, cremosa con cacahuete (mani).


So…whatchagottado? Simply give a celebrity a helping hand. Give someone famous an idea for a children’s book...because you know they all wanna write one. And since everyone should follow the advice to Write What You Know, give them a title for a book only they could write. For example:

ANGELINA JOLIE: Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego (and does she need a Mommy)?

JUDE LAW: Daddy had Two Nannies

AL GORE: Walter the Ozone-Depleting Dog

You get the idea. And if you don’t, just flip through a few pages of Us or People or Star and you’ll get more ideas than we’ll have time to judge. Just leave your entry in the comments section of this post, and you're entered. The last day to submit is Tuesday, April 17th...so get titular!


BONUS: This ARC will be personally signed by Jay, having the distinction of being his first ever autographed book!

What a Couple of Winners!!!

Congratulations to Don Tate and Paige Keiser!!! They each win an autographed copy of The dePaola Code. Who were they autographed by? Why, by us, of course...and some genius named Tomie dePaola.

WINNING JOKE by Paige:
Three Disco Mermaids walk into a bar with frogs on each of their shoulders. The bartender says, "Where did you get those?" The frogs say, "At the SCBWI National Conference. They were all over the place!"

WHY IT WON:
A cute twist on a classic joke…and clean, too! We received many jokes--some of which were a little inappropriate to publish in this somewhat kid-friendly forum (especially The Aristocrats inspired joke…though we may do some creative editing and publish that one soon!).

WINNING LOGO by Don:
(it's at the top of this post...ya can't miss it!)

WHY IT WON:
We love how the caricatures Don created resemble each of us perfectly. If you look closely, Jay has five chest hairs (how did he know!?), Eve has big, beautiful teeth, and Robin has big…well…let’s just say they’re big! What was evident to us was that Don looked back at the evolution of the Disco Mermaids through the years and incorporated our looks into one image that, in the words of someone who left a comment on his blog, “immortalized the wild and crazy disco mermaid spirit.” Look for his Disco Mermaid logo to appear on t-shirts, coffee mugs, and mousepads across the nation.

Thank you to all who entered our contest! Please check out the other logos that were submitted by clicking through the Disco Designs in the index to the right of this post. They were all beyond our expectations and so different! We plan to give each logo special recognition in an upcoming post.

But as for this post, once again, congratulations and thank you to Don Tate and Paige Keiser. What a couple of winners!!!

- Robin, Jay, and Eve

The dePaola Coda: A Contest

No, it’s not a typo. This is our coda to The dePaola Code. One last hurrah for the series of posts that launched our blog into a slightly higher stratum of the blogosphere. A lot of ridiculously cool things have happened to us because of The dePaola Code, so we’re offering to rub some of that coolness off on you!

As you may have read, we met Tomie dePaola at the recent SCBWI National Conference. We came prepared with a printed booklet of The dePaola Code, presented it to him, and he loved it! End of story? No. We had a few more copies on our persons and nervously asked Mr. dePaola if he would be generous enough to sign them. We told him that some copies were for us while some were for...our readers! That’s right, we’re giving away two copies of The dePaola Code autographed by The Man himself. As a bonus, they were also signed by--not one--but all three Disco Mermaids.

We know!!!

Okay, so how do you get one of these extremely rare literary masterworks? There are two ways. One, write something that makes us laugh. Or two, draw something that makes us laugh.

FOR AUTHORS: Write the funniest Disco Mermaid joke and an autographed copy of The dePaola Code is yours! “Why did the Disco Mermaid cross the road?” We don’t know…tell us! “How many Disco Mermaids does it take to screw in a light bulb?” We give up! “Three Disco Mermaids walk into a bar…” Good. Keep going! You can e-mail us as many jokes as you want. To find our address, click View My Complete Profile beneath the kissy-kissy picture near the top right corner of our blog. We’ll post some of our favorite jokes before choosing a winner. And if you really want to brown-nose us, post about this contest on your blog. Since there are three of us, if we have a tie, your post will be the tiebreaker.

FOR ILLUSTRATORS: Design a Disco Mermaid logo and The dePaola Code is yours! A mermaid in a Saturday Night Fever pose? Great! Three mermaids in a conga line? Terrific (we especially like the way you put a goatee on one of the mermaids)! You can e-mail the logo to us, but the same tiebreaker rule applies here. So send us a link to your post and we’ll link to your blog.

How long does it take three Disco Mermaids to make a decision? Ooh...sounds like the beginning of a great joke! But don’t worry, we’ll give you ample warning to submit any last minute jokes or to finish your logos.

Good luck…and have fun!