Sunday, May 21, 2006

A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Bike Aisle -- Robin

NOTE: at the bottom of this post is a clue to our second dePaola be deciphered very soon!

Brand new bikes for 14 cents? Here I come!

That is the reason I was recently shopping at Wal-Mart with my three-year old, hoping to buy him his first bicycle. I say ‘hoping’ because I never got to buy him that bike. While I was tugging on his leg, testing to see which bike was the perfect size, someone walked by my cart and snatched my purse.

Security was called and the underpaid employees went into Mission: Impossible mode...profiling subjects and sniffing out packages. Within a few minutes, they found my purse--ditched on the Barbie aisle. But the wallet was gone.

The police were called and I had to give a statement to the officer. Which brings us to the silver lining of this story. The police officer...was...GORGEOUS! The officer, who I will now refer to as Officer Dreamboat, asked me simple, direct questions. I blushed and rambled.

“Ummm...yes, officer, see, I was shopping, or something, and, then, it hot in here?”

“Just the facts, ma’am,” Officer Dreamboat said through his perfectly shaped mouth.

During all my rambling, my three-year old (who is now wearing Officer Dreamboat’s handcuffs) reached into my purse and pulled out my vitamin pill. One of those calcium supplements that comes in a powdered form.

“What’s dis, Mommy?” my son said as he pulled the pill apart. White powder dusted my son, my purse and the officer’s hand.

“That white powder isn’t what it looks like Occifer! It’s just a pill...I mean, a vitamin...I mean, I’m not the kind of girl’s just that...wanna dance?”

“No, I don’t want to dance. But I trust this isn’t what it looks like,” Officer Dreamboat said in such a totally dreamy way.

“Wow,” I said to my son as I watched Officer Dreamboat walk away and out of my life. “What a wonderful police man. Do you want to be a wonderful police man like him when you grow up?”

“No!” he said as he pulled my tampon out of my purse and wagged it in my face. “I want to be a dinosaur!”

So what does all this have to do with children’s writing? Well, not much. But there’s never a wrong time to share a HOT police officer story! I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way...

- Robin

CLUE: a clown, the Son of God...and citrus fruit!!!


Anonymous said...

Seriously, Robin-Mermaid, I laughed my ass off at that story. It can't possibly be true. If it is true, I am so sorry for your loss. But there's got to be some nugget of story there for a book. Probably not a picture book, though!

Disco Mermaids said...

Okay, so one part of it wasn't true. I didn't actually ask Officer Dreamboat to dance with me. (Though I wanted to...) The rest was unfortunately very true. Hey--I'm feeling a rhyming picture book coming on! What rhymes with Wal-Mart?

Anonymous said...

What a great story! However, contrary to the title of the post, I think you should shop at Wal-Mart incessantly. You could misplace something important, like your keys (the wallet or purse would be waaaay too obvious), or your kid, and ask the employees to call Officer Dreamboat to help solve the case. Just be sure to clear all narcotic/paraphernalia-looking items from your purse first. By the way, first the ganja post, now this - what's going on Robin? Good luck stalking the officer! Eve's Sister, Lamy

Disco Mermaids said...

I know...I'm looking a little suspect aren't I? Seriously, I'm just a dorky mom! And since you're, like, the DA in Florida, you don't have jurisdiction over dorky moms in California, right!? Nothing I say can be held against me? Whew.
And, as you're probably aware, the only good stalking I ever do is in the presence of your sister...the queen of stalkers. (That's why we love her!!)

Disco Mermaids said...

Who's the stalker in the Disco Mermaid Family? Yeah, Robin, you wish it was me! Denial. BTW, Amy is the PD- Public Defender, not the DA...She takes great offense at being called that. It's kind of like McCoys vs. Hatfields, or Superman vs. Lex Luthor, or Terry vs. Aras (C'mon people, I know you watch Survivor!!).


Miss P AKA Her Royal Cliqueness said...

Robin you're a hoot! Or no, your son is the actual comedian. But you play a damn funny straight man.