Aaaaaaaah -- Jay

This feels nice. Veeeeeery niiiiiiiiiiiice!

After staying up way too late every night for the past several weeks working on my revisions, my edits are finally done. How do I know they're done? Cuz my lovely editor told me so.

Our phone call had been scheduled for the past few days and I couldn't wait to hear what she thought of my revisions. Still, part of me was a little worried. What if she said, "No. No, no, no! This is all wrong. Christmas? Bah! You're spending the weekend revising...again." But that's not how it happened.

We spent about 90 minutes going over every change that I made to the manuscript based on her recommendations. She was happy with about 85% of the changes, we further tweaked about 10% of the changes, and about 5% of her suggestions that I didn't take originally, I ended up making after being convinced as to why she was right (which she's very good at doing).

And then, while we were on the phone, she e-mailed me the cover art. What can I say? I love it! I spent the rest of the day with chills because...well...I really really love it! I could tell my editor was afraid to show it to me because she hedged a bit before sending it. The artist didn't do what either of us originally thought would make a great cover. But I guess that's why he works the magic on the cover while we work the magic between the covers (there's a bumper sticker for ya!).

I'll post the cover art in a week or so and I'll tell you then why I love it so much. But until then, here's the cool new way my title will be written on the cover:

TH1RTEEN R3ASONS

WHY

A NOVEL BY

JAY ASHER

Disco Mermaid Down Time -- Robin

So what do the Disco Mermaids do when they’re not blogging or meeting for coffee or talking on the phone or swimming in hot tubs? Why, we email each other, of course! (As if we really need to spend any more time together!)

Our emails tend to fall into one of six categories. So I thought I’d share with you a taste of our tasteless emails we send back and forth to each other, all in the name of “work.” (The emails that follow are only ones written by me, as I was unable to get permission from my fellow Disco Mermaids to post theirs. Oh, that’s not true. I can’t post their emails because they cuss like frickin’ sailors!)

The first type of email we write is the typical MECHANICS FAILURE kind in which I can’t get Blogger to work…

Since we've changed to the new beta thing, do we need to go in and block our cookies!!?? I saw we had a bunch of hits from SLO with an sbcglobal address. Is that me? I can't figure out how to block myself! (Don't be nasty.)
R

Then we have your basic CALL ME email…

I have no idea if you're online tonight, but I just had some thoughts. If you've got nothing better to do, give me a call tonight, before 10, then I'm asleep.
If not, don't ever call me again.
It's over.
R

We also have the type of email in which we give INSTRUCTIONS FOR EDITING MY STUFF…

So here's what I have written so far (minus the chapter I'm in the middle of right now). The first three chapters should be pretty polished so be very critical of those. For the rest, just see if you like it and the voice and make sure it's not totally cheesy and sucky. You know the drill.
Take your time with this. You have two hours...and...go!
R

Every once in a while we throw in an I’M A BAD MOTHER email (and by “we” I mean “me,” but you knew that)…

I'm such a bad mother. I've been so wrapped up in Jay's life this week that when I went to pick Luke up from school today he said, "It's okay, mommy, I don't want to go to my soccer practice." (In a thick British accent!) CRAP! What's wrong with me!? Soccer mom...forgetting soccer practice!? Am I evil? So I bought him a cookie. Much better.
R

And of course there’s always the HA, HA! I’M BETTER THAN YOU email (which I just sent to Jay and Eve last night and I’m still so proud of myself!)…

Two more pages...done.
Did anyone else write TWO whole pages today? Huh? Didja? Didja?
Uh-huh, uh-huh (running man dance with a little churning the butter going on).
Oh yeah!
R

And finally, there’s the ONCE IN A LIFETIME email. The one that you send to your best friend the day after he sold his first book and all of his dreams have come true…

Dear Jay,

I feel like we're completely different people today. Like our old selves died yesterday and now we're reborn as “an author and the two girls who want to be him” (minus the genitalia issue)

Here's what else I think...

1. The flowers you gave me were, seriously, the most beautiful flowers I've ever gotten. No joke. They are perfect.

2. I've had so much fun telling this story to everyone I come across. I had lunch with a couple of reporters from The Tribune today and they don't even know you, but they love you!

3. Your next book is going to be just as great. I know it, and we won't let you do any less. That's our job.

and finally...

4. This could not have happened to a better person. You deserve EVERYTHING that comes to you. You know that, right?

I'm sorry if this is sappy. I'd like to say that it's over and now I'll go back to making fun of you. But I'm not. I'm going to keep being sappy and cry happy tears and then hug on you so hard that your guts pop out.

Love,
Robin

Don't Judge A Book By Its Title --Eve

Of course, if we all followed this rule, marketing departments of publishing houses wouldn't be making the big bucks, or even have jobs for that matter. Good titles are extremely important to me. In fact, I often refuse to read a book if it's got a bad or boring title. I'm shallow, I know. But I'm probably a good representation of how most of our consumer society behaves. That title's only got a split second to catch my ADD brain's attention and stick.

That said, the irony is that I'm terrible at coming up with titles for my books. And now I'm under the gun to come up with a title for my second still-in-progress book. My wonderful agent (hee-hee…saying “My agent” still sounds so funny and all professional and grown-up like) and I had lunch the other day and I nervously pitched the synopsis of my new YA book. She loved the idea, and said it is timely, commercial and compelling…love, love, LOVE her!

“So when can you have it done?” she asked. “Um…done?” I asked. “Yes, done,” she said. “Let's see, it took four YEARS to write my first book. Um, let's say…four MONTHS for this one,” I said (half joking). “Perfect,” she said. “Um…what??” I said. “What's the title?” she asked. “The what??” I said.

Girlfriend is so on the ball that I could see her wheels spinning immediately. She was already coming up with a list of potential editors in her head. Because I've got the outline in my head and am so in love with writing this book, I really believe I can crank out a respectable draft in four months. Problem is, I need a compelling title. So, I'm turning to the readers in Blogland for help!

I will send a very special prize to anyone out there brave enough to throw some potential titles my way. Please! I need help!! Post ideas in the “comments” section or e-mail me privately at: eporinchak@aol.com THANKS!

Here's my elevator pitch: Seventeen-year-old Cali has one year to live. She plans to spend her last 365 days fearlessly completing a list of adventurous tasks that she was previously too cautious to consider, while also keeping her friends happily in the dark about her predicament. Cali's meticulous plan is thrown for a loop when she meets and falls uncontrollably in love with a brilliant and free-spirited surfer who challenges her core beliefs about living and dying.

It's kind of “Road Trip” meets “Love Story” in that it combines fun and adventure with a heartbreakingly doomed love affair. There are also a lot of scenes/references to the ocean, fear of the unknown, and the tension of a ticking clock.

Thanks for the help, readers! Don't steal my idea!

Eve

Final Edit -- Jay

Right now, my editor’s sunning herself down in Mexico. Meanwhile, I’ve been getting home from the library (my day job) around 5:30, then staring at my computer till 12:30 every night. And I’ll be doing that every night till my editor gets back because this is it! I’m working through the final line edit before they print up Advance Reader Copies. Oh, and I’m sick. I got sick right before the edit arrived and, due to the lack of sleep, haven’t had the chance to get well.

And I’m loving it!

Here’s the e-mail I sent Eve and Robin the night (or morning) I finished that first stretch of revising:

It's amazing to think that the changes I'm doing now are the final details that'll end up in a book that's going to be sold in bookstores around the country. Seriously, it's a mindtrip. And all the changes are pretty small, but they are making a difference. A lot of them (and I'm glad she did this) are the little turns of phrases that I thought were so cute but actually probably took the reader out of the story. So I'm just yankin' them out. I'd say about 20% of her suggestions I'm not taking. But 80% is pretty amazing for a book that's been gone over so many times. It's almost 1 o'clock now and I've gotta get up soon, but I am having so much fun.

I can't wait for you two to experience this...which you will!

Right now, the only person I love more than my editor is my wife. I apologized to her yesterday for not doing my part around the house. “You’ve been doing all the cooking and cleaning and everything,” I said, “while I’ve been upstairs having fun editing my book.”

She smiled and said, “See, you’re doing your part.”

And that’s reason #27 why this book is dedicated to her.

- Jay

What a Long Strange Trip—Robin

My husband has put his patchouli, Birkenstock, tie-dye days behind him and finally made good on his idea to become a true blue hippie. (Not that you’d know it…he cut all his hair off years ago and actually spends his free time Googling Britney Spears. Well, who doesn’t?).

This past year hubby purchased a 1983 Mercedes diesel sedan and converted the fuel tank to run on used vegetable oil that he siphons out of a barrel from the back alley of our local sushi restaurant. Kid…you…not.

When he first presented the idea to me, I thought, “Sure, honey. You start your cute little hobby. I’ll just be over here in the corner typing out silly little stories. What’s the harm, right!?”

What I didn’t realize was that within a few months, we would have a stockpile of over 400 gallons of used soybean oil and a garage that resembled what I assume a meth lab looks like.

Hubbie got way, WAY into his “little hobby.” He joined list serves and purchased equipment from specialty aquarium stores (because how else is he going to heat the oil to transfer it through the filters and blah, blah, blah?). He got to know all the local people who run on veggie (one of our local high school principals!) and I think I noticed him giving secret handshakes to members of his underground veggie network. Weirdness everywhere.

I decided that the moment he came to me and said he planned on attending the national veggie car conference and was planning on dressing up in drag in order to win the costume contest…that would be it. Hobby over.

But I found myself reading the emails from other local veggie people, and thinking about what an utterly cool thing he is doing. Not just for the environment or for our wallet (it’s free gas!) but for our little boy. At night, I peek my head out of the door and look into the meth lab/veggie production area, and see the silhouettes of my son and his father in front of an old lamp teetering on the edge of a barrel and I listen to them talk about the oil…where it comes from and what it’s used for. And my boy turns to me and says, “Mommy, look! I’m pumping oil for Daddy’s car! A Mercedes…a classic!” (Again…kid…you…not. My husband has trained him to say “Mercedes…a classic” every time he mentions the car).

Not only am I excited that my son will learn so much about fuel (I like to tell my husband, “We’re putting the FUN back in fuel!”) but it’s also fodder for good storytelling. What I thought was a bizarre hobby (that sometimes involves me saying, “Eeeeww, honey! What IS that?” after he hugs me), is now an interesting slice of life that will definitely make it into my next book.

I’m already thinking of a title. How about…VEGGIE TALES. (A classic!)

-Robin

You Think I'm Funny? -- Eve

How'm I funny? Funny, how? What am I, here to amuse you? What am I…like some kind of clown?? I've got Joe Pesci on the brain lately, ever since a recent girls' night out where we happened upon a funky little dance club where they played a muted Goodfellas on the big screens over and over all night. (If you didn't recognize the Joe Pesci shtick I insist you go rent Goodfellas immediately!)

Two years ago at the SCBWI L.A. conference I had a “Joe Pesci-Off” with a couple of very funny dudes who we met at the after-hours party. Maybe it was the all those pink drinks Robin and Jay kept forcing on me, but I brought my A-game that night and I was on fuego, baby! Of course I won the contest and I remember thinking that I'm definitely the right person to be writing funny children's books…since I'm so dang funny and all.

Problem is, it's really freaking hard to write funny, and keep it up for an entire book. I've only read a handful that can really make me laugh out loud. Captain Underpants, Absolutely Positively Not..., The Day My Butt Went Psycho, and Millicent Min, Girl Genius are some that come to mind. But there's not a ton of funny stuff out there for kids and there should be!

I always wanted to be known as a “lighthearted humor writer,” but the deeper I get into my second book the more I realize that I don't write funny. Not even a little bit. My first novel started out funny, but quickly took on a somber tone once I got to know my characters better. This second book is sooo not funny it's really making me wonder. Did I lose my sense of humor somewhere or is it just terribly challenging to write a funny book?

I think I'm funny. Robin thinks I'm funny. Jay thinks I'm funny. Although, my friend K.T. who's known me since college recently laughed at me…not because he thinks I'm funny, but because he thinks it's funny that I think I'm so funny. Maybe I'm not as funny as I think I am. I guess acknowledgment of the problem is the first step. Who knew I was destined to write serious books? Crazy! But I can still do a mean Joe Pesci imitation…so I got that going for me! HA!

-Eve