Saturday, August 26, 2006

It's a Plutocracy -- Jay

This whole Pluto-is-no-longer-a-planet thing is a conspiracy. I bet if you check the stock portfolios for the “scientists” who made this decision, over half of them own stock in textbook publishers, scientific poster companies, and manufacturers of planetary models. Follow the money, that’s all I’m saying.

Calm down, Jay. Is that what you’re thinking? Calm down?!?!?! Don’t you realize what this means? It means I have to edit my last middle grade novel one more time if I want it to stay contemporary and not become historical fiction. One of my characters builds a model of the solar system and the ninth planet plays a big part in the climax of the story. At least, it’s a big part for such a teeny-tiny planet. But that’s what Pluto will always be to me. A planet! Oh, and a Disney dog, too...but a Disney dog named after a planet!

I can probably add a couple of lines as to why my character puts Pluto on his model, but why should I have to change my fiction to fit the facts? And what about that mnemonic sentence used to memorize the order of the planets? My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas. What’s it going to be now: My Very Emaciated Mother Joyfully Served Us Nothing?

Damn you, scientists. I was a space-geek in elementary school, too. But I learned from it. It made me stronger. And I promised never to repeat what was done to me. But just can't help picking on the smallest planet in the solar system, can you!

- Jay


Disco Mermaids said...

I completely agree! Make up your mind!
But don't worry, Jay. I'm sure this is just a phase. Just like this whole "cigarettes are bad for you" hype.

saraclaradara said...

Rest assured, my friend that in Saramerica, Pluto will *always* be a planet. This very educated mother will continue to serve nine pizzas.

Chris Barton said...

It could've been worse, Jay -- you could be having to revise your MS to account for three (or 40) more "planets" in that mobile (to say nothing of what that would do to your mnemonic device).