Wednesday, November 07, 2007

The Mermaids Go Solo -- Robin

Poor Jay had to go to The Goonies fest the other night without his Mermaids. Eve and I were both busy and couldn’t/wouldn’t go watch him recite every line from his all-time favorite movie. Not that I wouldn’t do the same thing if they were playing The Jerk. Or Raising Arizona. Or The Breakfast Club. Or Heathers. (Anyone with me!? “He hates these cans! Stay away from the cans!”) Sorry. Got a little carried away.

Nope—Eve and I were very busy. I’ll tell you what I was doing, but I won’t say what Eve was doing because I wouldn’t want to embarrass her by telling you she went to a Billy Joel musical all by herself. I’m just too good of a friend to do that. (You’re welcome, honey!)

Tuesday night, I was on the phone. It was a tele-seminar put on by the fabulous Bruce Hale about how to write and sell a series. He’s one of the best speakers around and I learned sooo much! As always, he started off his speech with a joke which involved a parrot and a dog and Jesus…I think. I can’t remember the punchline, but I do remember it was funny!

Bruce was interviewed by Roxyanne Young (of and he took questions from the “audience” at the end. It was so surreal because people would announce their name and where they were from…and they were from all over the country! Vermont…North Carolina…Pennsylvania…California (that was me!). It was very cool to have a phone conversation with people from so many different places who were all interested in writing for children. Many, many thanks to Bruce for sharing his wisdom and humor.

And speaking of jokes, I only know one…but I’m not going to tell you the punchline. Let’s see who can get this one first:

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do?

Good luck!

- Robin


laura salas said...

Hey, did Eve go to "Movin' Out"? I loved that show. Seriously!

Glad the teleconference was a great success. That sounds cool.

And, uh, is that a real joke? How about: stays up all night telling everyone that he does not believe in dog. Sorry.

Tim said...

Lies awake all night wondering if there is a Dog. (He's an agnostic, not an athiest, Laura.:))

Q: What does the dyslexic student do when he forgets to do his assignment?

A: He tells the teacher that God ate his homework.

Linda D. (sbk) said...

I sat in on a couple of Bruce Hale's workshops last month at Surrey International Writers' Conference and you're right. He is an amazing speaker. I was so inspired by him, and how easy it was for him to speak in front of people. He's a natural. I could listen to him for hours.

And I love his Chet Gecko books.

Disco Mermaids said...

Woohoo, Tim! And thanks for the follow-up joke. Now I have TWO jokes I can tell!

Laura, it sounds like we'll have to have Eve call you the next time Movin' Out is showing!

And Linda, I totally love Bruce's Chet Gecko books, too. You should hear about his new series...sounds great!


krw3b said...

" I finally found out what my Special Purpose is for!"

I love me some Jerk.

"I'm leaving. I'm leaving And I'm not taking anything. Except this paddle. I'm leaving and I'm not taking anything except this paddle. And this remote control. I'm leaving and I'm not taking anything except this paddle and this remote control. And this phone. I'm leaving and I'm not taking anything except this paddle, this remote control, and this phone. And this chair."

Tim said...

My Jerk favorites in no particular order:

"Die, you random son of a bitch."

"I was born a poor black child."


"The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here!"

Come to think of it, it's kind of amazing how often the opportunity to use these quotes comes up in my daily life.

Disco Mermaids said...

I agree that lines from The Jerk easily come up in every day conversation.

Except I think Jay and Eve get a little tired of me always saying, "You can have anything between the thimble and the box of matches..."



Tim said...

And they are great for getting that dumbfounded look from my teenagers who don't know any quotes that don't come from Robot Chicken, South Park, or Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

And no, I refuse to turn my kids on to the Jerk. My wife and I have to have something that is just for us, don't we!?!

Kelly Fineman said...

I love that joke! He stays up all night, wondering if there is a dog! Tim's was pretty funny, too.

Anonymous said...

I'm picking out a thermos for you. . .

and put an umbrella in my next drink because that is soooo classy (maybe "classy" with a capital "K")


Disco Mermaids said...

"Waiter...there are SNAILS on her plate!"

"...and no ordinary thermos will do. It's the very best thermos you can buy, with stripes and vinyl, and a cup built right in!" ...sing it with me now.

"One dollar, AND SEVEN CENTS!"

Oh, I could go on and on. Love The Jerk. Love it!

Yes, I went to Movin' Out solo. Looked like a complete fool jumping around in my seat singing every word to every song. I'm a Billy Joel freak. Thanks for 'outting' me Ro!

There was an especially moving, um, bizarre bondage scene where "Captain Jack" played in the background. The elderly couple next to me had to be wheeled out on stretchers after that one!

And that joke is pure GENIUS. Funny part is that I AM a dyslexic, agnostic, joke!

Funny, Ro-Mo. Very funny.


LindaBudz said...

I saw Bruce a few years ago, and he was THE inspiration behind my mystery series. A friend of mine has been paired up with him as a mentor for a YEAR! I am soooo jealous. And, wish I'd known about that call!

P.S. Eve, don't feel bad ... going to stuff by yourself is a sign of a healthy self image. (Sometimes I prefer it cuz you don't have to worry about whether the people you're with like the show or not ... you can just relax and enjoy!)

Editorial Anonymous said...

Was it this joke?

A burglar was cruising through a posh suburb looking for a house to target. At one house he saw a truck unloading a big screen television, stereo, and video outfit. All the gear had to cost thousands of dollars. He made a mental note and went on his way.

The next day he was back in the same neighborhood. When he drove past the house with all the goodies, he saw an elderly couple loading suitcases into the
trunk of their car. He could hardly wait...

That night, without a moon in the
sky and a heavy fog, he drove up to the house. He rang the doorbell and when no one answered, broke the lock on the kitchen door and went in.

It was pitch black inside as he made his way through the kitchen, then the dining room and into the den where he expected to find the things he wanted to steal.

Suddenly a voice says, "I see you and Jesus sees you."

The burglar freezes in his tracks.

"I see you and Jesus sees you," the voice says again.

The burglar takes out his flashlight and shines it in the direction of the voice. There's a parrot in a cage.

The parrot looks at him and says, "I see you and Jesus sees you."

The burglar laughes. "Just a dumb bird," he says. So he closes the drapes and turns on a lamp and that's when he sees a big, mean-looking Doberman Pinscher sitting next to the parrot cage.

The parrot says, "Sic him, Jesus!"

Disco Mermaids said...

Hey, EA! You're right...that WAS the joke! I think maybe you're an even better joke-teller than Bruce Hale!
Keep 'em coming! ;-)