Sunday, August 24, 2008

Gimme the Gold -- Eve

I’ve decided that sitting down to write for long periods of time takes the same amount of focus, energy, and endurance the Olympic athletes need to excel at their sports. Seriously! I sit here day after day, month after month, and sadly, year after year, clacking away at this computer, not moving a single muscle except for those in the fingers, wrists, forearms and eyeballs. But, at the end of each day, I’m exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. Then I sleep, and get up to do it all over again the next day.

I read somewhere that Michael Phelps works out for at least 5 straight hours a day. A re you kidding me? Puh-leeze, M-Phelp. I can do twice that without even taking a bathroom break. Apparently, he also consumes 12,000 calories a day. Psh…that’s nothing! With all the café mochas and red licorice I inhale, no doubt I’ve got you beat. I mean, every single Starbucks mocha I suck down is 1000 calories right there…Boom!

You know, I’m starting to believe that writing a novel is way tougher than being a multi-medal winning Olympian. I mean, these guys have their own entourage 24/7 coaching them, training them, massaging them, feeding them, brushing their teeth. We novelists got nothing! They’ve got the added luxury of having other people to compete against, so they have constant testosterone flying around, and instant adrenalin rushes when they watch competitors excelling. All this activity makes it easy to push through the pain and perform.

We writers sit in quiet solitude. No coaches. No competitors in our faces. No massages. No endorsements or money or commercials or free swim caps. Not that I’d wear a swim cap, but still, it’d be nice to have a collection of free ones anyway…you know, so I could create a display above the mantle or something.

All I’ve got is a brain and a pencil!

Okay, and a critique group and a computer. And an iPod and printer. And the internet and books. And all my Facebook and writing friends. And a cushy couch and lots of sweatsuits. And licorice and Coke Zero and café mochas. And Robin and Jay at my disposal 24/7 for brainstorming, last minute critiques, moral support, licorice, Coke Zero and café mochas. And my fantastic running shoes for those daily runs around the vineyard to work out the plot kink sessions. And a pool. And a hot tub. And my puppies to keep me company all day and play with me on breaks.

Okay, I don’t have it so bad. I do think they should start giving out medals for writers, though. And if they awarded them based on sheer endurance (the ability to bear prolonged exertion, pain, or hardship), I’d win the gold!

- Eve


Lee Wind said...

Hi Eve!
okay, you totally made me laugh with this line of thought. But here's a thought...
would it be NEW scoring, like the gymnastics and diving, where the execution is multiplied by the level of difficulty of the novel, or would it be the old perfect Mary Lu/Nadia 10 system?
have a great Sunday!

jennie said...

Eve, take a break-from writing AND the olympics. Watch the recent Daily Show with Dennis Leary, and get inspired!!!

beckylevine said...

Okay, I didn't need to hear that about the Starbucks mochas, thank you very much.

Do we have to learn the dolphin kick?

Mac McCool said...

Oh no!!! Mochas might get banned as performance enhancing elixirs!

Keep training and aiming for the gold, though!!

Suzanne Young said...

Hm... I don't know if I could keep up in a writing olympics, but give me some twizzlers... all gold, Baby!!!!

Tyler said...

Here here! The self-discipline required to be a writer is gargantously tougher than all that mamby-pamby "athletic" training.

And this Writing Olympics, hmmm. I think there may be something to that...I'ma gonna look into it.

cynjay said...

Aw - you didn't get the special massage-while-you-create package? Don't worry, I'll send Franz over in the morning.

Katie said...

Eve - you are a funny little thing! this post is great!!!

And you are right on. We need some perks! some pre-published perks :-)


Hardygirl said...

Ah, but how many athletes are there out there who worked their tails off and didn't make the Olympic team? Yikes . . . I'd rather focus on the winners. Go for the gold!! SF